11:14 a.m. - 2004-02-05
Cutting out hearts
A neighbor asked me to help her with her video camera so that she could go to her son's penguin show at school. (Andy was in it last year, it is a high point in my life, so I was glad to help her.) Not that I know so much about video cameras (we don't own one ourselves) but this way she could watch the show with her eyes instead of through a lens. So I was glad to go and see this year's version of the pageant and see those happy little faces with no self-consciousness, so happy to see their parents and know they were loved.
Then I went to the craft store and bought heart shaped stickers so Andy and I can make valentines this weekend. Yesterday the provost called me to say how sorry he was that I was gone. I appreciate that, but I wonder if he had some power to change that and chose not to use it. He told me he was sure I'd find a better job, and I told him that I didn't think I would find a better job, maybe a different job, but that I BELIEVED in the university and its mission. I was pleasant (spouse was home hearing my end of the conversation, and gave me a reality check.) But somehow, the phone call left me feeling like it was designed perhaps to make the caller feel better. I had a great deal of respect and admiration for this man. I also thought he was a cutie, though he is old enough to be my father. But. It. Doesn't. Matter.
Spouse is going through a bit of a grieving process himself. He feels betrayed. He feels that if he were a better teacher, or more involved in the politics on campus that he might have been able to save my job, but that isn't true, and I am finally at the place where I really believe that this happened for a reason, so that I could do something that will make a difference, just someplace else.
Okay - can I just say - where the heck is Dean? He is no longer mentioned in the news. He is not cited in the paper. WTF?
Tonight we are having neighbors for dinner (her son was in the penguin show today, but not the show I got to see.) We're having chicken, roasted potatoes with garlic and herbs, sauteed spinach, green beans with tomatoes, and I don't know what for dessert because they are bringing it.
Now I am going to cut out pink paper hearts.
|
