9:04 a.m. - 2006-09-18
What the hell?
My parents are back home from their trip and there is definitely something wrong. I could tell immediately from my mother's voice that she and my father had had some kind of rift during the trip. My father generally doesn't like to travel, though once he's there he usually has a good time; and my mother I think, did this trip on a whim - bought it from an auction. It was much more costly in the long-run than I think she anticipated, and there were some glitches with the arrangements, but I think they were looking forward to it. But there's that guilt that always comes into play.
So my guess is that my father had some kind of outburst. He's been angry for several years, though he doesn't seem to get out of his own way to do anything about it. My mother only hinted that she wanted to send him to anger management classes. I think my mother might want to get some therapy too. My father has done this before. We went away one time - I had won a weekend at a really fancy Palm Beach hotel, which was only a few miles from where we lived; and he got angry about something and disappeared. Turned out he walked home. Never told us or called. He's done similar outbursts on other vacations; or he'll get sick on the third day. I just don't know...
I'd prefer not to come from a broken home as I approach the end of my fifth decade on this planet. I find it ironic that we are all preparing to celebrate their 50th anniversary.
I'm not sure if I wrote about this, but last month I found out that my father had started smoking again, or rather, had gotten lazy about covering his smoking trail and had been caught by my mother. I always had my suspicions - ash on the dashboard of his car, his willingness to go out and run little errands during the day...and then my mother caught him and I was so disappointed. I felt like I lost respect for him and I told my mother that. I felt terrible and called her right back and apologized, because if she said something like that about my spouse, I would be devastated. She was gracious and accepted the apology and said I just have to learn to accept him for who he is. And that has been hard because I am so perfect myself...
I am so judgmental of people, and my father in particular. He takes no responsibility for himself - his diet, his health, his clothing. He doesn't really want to do much but sit in his chair, watch the History channel and pretend that he was a WWI veteran. He is hard of hearing, has hearing aids, but they don't work properly and he won't go and get them fixed.
I think he is probably depressed, and suggested to my mother that maybe he needs a neuro-work-up with his doctor. But these are not sudden changes. This is pretty much who my father is and has been. He is not old - he's only 71.
And I know, my mother is not always a picnic. I just think they both need to get some counseling, but I'm doubtful that either will bother.
So it was an anxious weekend.
Saturday we went to silent friend's daughter's birthday. This kid is one of my favorite on the planet - very independent; very un-needy. She is into animals and wants to be a vet, so we got her a betta fish and all the relevant accessories.
Her parents got her a guitar, and spouse attempted to tune it which I thought was crazy since he doesn't play guitar (though he did play viola) and he broke one of the strings. Can I just say I don't understand men? Spouse is generally not like this, so I don't know why he had to get all macho about it. We ended up going out Sunday to get a whole new set of replacement strings because spouse couldn't remember which string broke.
The party was fun. Sunday - up early, church, grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry and finishing one of the two freelance projects. I sent it off and hope they are done with revisions.
This week is all about work, cleaning and work. Oh yah, and anxiety.
The trees are starting to turn - especially the small trees around the wetlands near our house.
And I keep dreaming about my dead grandparents. They've been in my dreams for the last two or three weeks. They are either in trouble or just hanging out. Also, I am driving planes and cars that are out of control. No symbolism there.
A hui hu marama.
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