3:45 p.m. - 2004-11-30
Do I push it away or do I finally take the medicine?
I am trying to dig myself out of this tunnel I am falling into. I have suddenly become anxious about everything and need to find an oasis fast. I had almost forgotten what this feels like - and haven't had a "spell" for a long, long time. But I feel the little lappings of anxiousness and depression coming closer and I do not want to drown.
Perhaps it is the uncertainty with my mother's health; perhaps it is the onset of cold weather, which brings back memories of being laid-off and the numbness and fear of searching for a new job; perhaps it is the fact that I do not love this job and feel like it is not a place that will love me. I used to get these huge depressions after the holidays, but I have avoided them for the last few years. This year I don't feel so lucky.
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