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10:23 a.m. - 2010-08-11
Communications plans

Productive day yesterday. Spouse came and had lunch with me yesterday again. The phone rang fifty times.

Andy opted out of lunch because he was waiting for his girlfriend to call him to invite him over to her house to go swimming. She of course called. The mom came and picked him up because she was running errands, and spouse explained to Andy that he should tell his girlfriend and her family that he was coming home for dinner and that we would pick him up between 5:30 and 5:45. I got there to bring him home, and they were all in the pool. The mom was surprised to see me because she thought he was staying for dinner. I asked him if spouse had been clear with him, and he said yes. But somehow that information was not transferred to his girlfriend's family.

The mother was very apologetic. I didn't make a big thing of it and assured her it was fine and allowed Andy to stay. He came home around 8. I was out, but when I got home, we had a talk and I explained that it was HIS responsibility to convey the information to his girlfriend's family. He claimed he told his girlfriend, but maybe she forgot to tell her parents. Um. No.

So I explained that he would have to take resopnsibility for his actions (or omissions) in many things and that I wanted to be able to trust him, but that this was not a good demonstration.

I asked what he thought a good punishment would be and he suggested that we don't give him his allowance ($5) which was really no punishment at all. I suggested 48 hours with no cell phone, computer, etc. He could let his girlfriend know, but he had 10 minutes to wrap it up with her and his posse.

We're in for a long two days. He was nearly in tears, not so much because he'd disappointed us, but because he wouldn't be able to talk with his girlfriend. I said he could call her briefly on the telephone (the land line) but that this was his punishment.

I'm all twisted up about it. Of course the shallow part of me is upset because he was more concerned about the consequence rather than the actual action that resulted in that consequence.

I'm also a little jealous I suppose. It is clear he feels very deeply about her. I keep thinking I need to go re-read "Puppy love is mainly flowers."

And, I know it is going to be torment for spouse and I but I think it is going to be a good lesson on how to live a life without instant access. He will work on his summer reading project.

I also thought I might give him time off for good behavior if he demonstrates some. We'll see.

And for now, that's what I've got.

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