10:26 a.m. - 2010-08-05
I don't live in Afghanistan
Am I not allowed to feel good and confident for more than a day or two? I was feeling confident about my work especially, and then I got my written review 15 minutes before a meeting with my boss. I looked at it briefly and was shocked. I was rated "below expectations." I calmly told him at our meeting that I would need more than 15 minutes to digest the comments in the review (it is a 15 page document with prompts, etc.) I cannot believe it. I went through it Tuesday night, found examples of work I had done that addressed the deficits he indicated; asked for clarification, asked for direction, but he was immoveable. He raised his voice at least twice. I just don't know what to do. I am alone right now - spouse and Andy are at scout camp. So I've had ample time to stew. I'm supposed to sign the document by tomorrow.
So.
Otherwise, I've been working my fanny off. I haven't been able to eat or sleep too well. I know the initial panic and anxiety will wear off, but still. Do I have to job hunt again? Do I have to make another change in my life as an overweight woman over 50 in a terrible economy? Ugh.
I count my blessings, but even telling myself that I don't live in Afghanistan doesn't help.
Spouse left yesterday afternoon to go to camp. He is aware of the situation and was supportive, but didn't have any substantive advice. He hates confrontation even more than I do.
My co-worker is on vacation.
And for now, that's what I got.
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