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3:39 p.m. - 2010-03-08
Didn't see that one coming

You just never know. I'd been in a meeting this morning when my new boss asked me to meet him in HR for an 11 a.m. meeting, and no I wasn't getting fired.

But...They asked if I would like to take a 1 month leave. With pay. Because they are concerned that I'm not firing on all cylinders.

I'm thinking about this and it hurts my feelings a bit on so many levels.

I KNOW - they are offering to give me a paid leave, which should mean that they value me as an employee. But it also means that people don't think I've been doing my best, which makes me nuts because honestly? I don't know how to work any harder, or smarter, or think out of the box.

I use the analogy of trying to fit a size ten foot into a size six shoe. It's gonna hurt, and it isn't pretty.

So. I have a few days to think about it.

I'm just thinking that all of these decisions and work things are going to be made about my job and I won't be there. And what about my poor co worker who is also going through her own hell? (Her husband is in the hospital and she is sick as well.) And, what will happen to all the work while I am out? And what if they decide they don't need me any more?

I just don't know. I don't like change I recognize that, but this is a big thing.

And why can't I focus on the positive aspects of things? Why can't I appreciate that they are giving me a paid leave? What is wrong with me?

And for now, that's what I've got.

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