11:17 a.m. - 2010-02-23
I've also been watching the olympics
And I'm back. What a crazy week and a half it has been. I had a good visit with my sister. I had a long talk with my mother. She was wheelchair bound most of the time, but we talked about her meds and drinking and taking care of herself. She even asked herself why she allowed herself to have this knee flare-up now, of all times.
I told her that we were all concerned about her. (I didn't tell her that my siblings had tasked me with having a "big talk" with her.) I said we were concerned that she was still drinking with the meds she was on, and that we knew that alcohol was contraindicated.
I asked her if there were other things bothering her (besides two of her children being diagnosed with cancer); and if there were things she wanted to talk about.
I told her we were concerned about her health and their finances.
So we talked. She thought she was holding it together as well as she could about my brother and me, and that she was cutting back on drinking, and she would work to cut back on eating. We made doctor and therapist appointments and she is keeping all of them.
I know that this all ties in with her own mortality too, as I feel it myself. The phrase that keeps pinging around in my tiny brain: "We are now at the point where life stops giving us things and begins to take them away." I can't remember who said that, but it feels like it is woven into my skin sometimes. But is that age or depression?
My father fixed some of the stuff that had fallen into disrepair (the broken lock, the unusable garage door opener that my sister had just had installed.)
Baby steps, baby steps. Their bills are squared away.
And I saw my brother, though just briefly. He shaved his hair and now wears a do rag and looks pretty sinister. If people only knew!!! He still has his beard and eyebrows though, and he's actually put on weight. We went out to dinner (at his request) and he ate really well. The next morning, he and I headed to the hospital for tests. He was feeling weak and woozy, but not weak enough to let me drive his car.
After the tests, the nurse said his blood levels and other indicators were wonderful, and his weakness was a result of the chemo treatments. He is half way through this course, so we focus on that, although I suspect he may have to have additional treatments.
The weather was not great, though at least there was no snow, but it was often cold and rainy.
It looks like my bro and SIL have found a more permanent place to live. They'll rent now for a year. The place is on the water with a dock, yard, hot tub and two-car garage. They'll start moving next month. Don't know if I'll be going down to help.
We got home Saturday afternoon. Spouse was so glad to see us. I am pretty tired, but glad to be home.
This is going to be a difficult week. I have a new boss and have met him, but not yet spent any time to learn what his expectations are. The weather is abysmal. We've been told not to expect to see the sun until next Wednesday.
We filed our income taxes and somehow we owe. Hell.
Andy's girlfriend's grandmother passed away and the funeral was yeterday. He wanted to go, but I didn't think it was a good idea because a) he would miss more school; and b) I would miss more work having to drive him. And really c) it isn't like this has been a long-term relationship or anything. He. Is. Twelve.
I am sad because I realize that I've reached the point with Andy where I no longer tell him things, I have to ask him things. I don't mean about responsibilities or homelife, or whatever, but he now has his own opinion of the world (a good thing I think) and he expects more privacy. I expressed this to myself much more eloquently last week, but I can't remember what I told myself then.
I started the tamoxifen (phen?) last night. I don't know why I am fearful of it, but I guess it signals the real end of my "youthfulness?"
Had an appointment with my oncologist this morning. She said everything is progressing the way it should. My scars are healing, the swelling is going down, the radiation burns are subsiding. She's scheduled me for some physical therapy and suggested that maybe I contact a therapist for some anti depressants. Probably a good idea. She also commented on my brother and thought that he was showing many good recovery signs. That made me happy.
We're going out to breakfast/dinner with our neighbors tonight. It will be good to see them.
And for now, that's all I got.
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