2:21 p.m. - 2009-09-03
I cannot be the only fat woman with long boobs to need an MRI!
Thank you again for your continued comments and emails. You have no idea how much it means to me.
I'm sorry - Give me a few more days and I'll try not to turn this into a cancer diary. I'm trying to separate myself from all of this, but I'm not always good at compartmentalizing.
Another one of those "I thought I did an entry" days...What I've accomplished so far:
1. Got a flu shot
2. Cancelled my colonoscopy
3. Tried to get an MRI
4. Fought to get another MRI
5. Scheduled alot of other appointments
6. Took my parents to the airport.
Tuesday afternoon I got an appointment for an MRI, but the machine was too small for me and my boobs. (I could have sworn I typed this already yesterday...) Anyway, they weren't able to do it. (You have to be up on a platform kind of sitting up, and then you have to let your boobs hang down. I was trying to manage my claustrophobia, but my long boobs and me did not fit in the machine. So they said I wouldn't need an MRI after all, and I checked to see what it was needed for and it turns out that the breast MRI tells you where else you may have cancerous tissue in the affected breast and if there is any in the other breast. Ahem.
I. Want. One. Now.
So I researched and found an open MRI that also does breast MRIs that would be covered by my insurance and accepted by the physician I'm currently seeing. Next Wednesday I'll drive into the big city with spouse, tranquilize my claustrophobia and get what I think will be valuable information on what's really going on. The tech kept saying "Oh, they'll just look at your mammogram again and find what they need to see..." and I kept thinking that they didn't EVER see this on a mammogram.
I have an appointment tomorrow, and I started a notebook with my list of questions. I'm not sure what this doctor will do for me except maybe to talk me off the ledge, though as long as things are moving I am okay. Next Wednesday is the MRI, then Thursday I meet with a medical oncologist and a radiation oncologist. I'm still not hearing anything about a surgeon. Then I will get a second opinion.
My mother and spouse bought me a big multi-pocket folder to keep all my info in - phone numbers, prescriptions, etc. I think it will help.
Andy is looking for any sign that things are really normal. I want to give that to him. I think he is also a little depressed about the summer ending and school beginning (he had a GREAT summer) and my folks leaving.
My mother really stepped up, though I know she will have a difficult time when she gets back. I want her to reconnect with her friends.
Here is the thing that worries me most (except for the big thing) - I have a really hard time leaning on people or asking for help. And I think I may have to do that for a little while, and it kills me that I am causing them pain.
But many people have been coming forward from unexpected places to offer support, information, perspective and tissues.
Oh wait - change of plans, the appointment I was to have tomorrow is now next week (at least they're all clumped together - 9 a.m., 10 a.m., 11 a.m.) since the doctor won't have any new info to go over until I have the MRI - damn glad I pushed for that.
So that's what I know for now. I'm having a hard time eating, which is probably a good thing. We went out for dinner last night at one of our favorite places because my folks wanted to treat and we'd made plans to do it before I got the news, and I wanted Andy to go so that he would feel like things are okay. But I didn't really have a big appetite, and the entree I ordered was bone dry - chicken breast that crackled, and it wasn't the skin...
Tonight spouse has a reception to go to. He wanted to cancel, but I keep telling him to do what he has to do now.
Told my boss and my big boss and they were great. (You know, I REMEMBER typing this very thing - I think there's a missing entry...)
We now resume the boring part of my journal (not that this wasn't boring, but it isn't about cancer...anyway.)
Made pork chops for my folks Tuesday night, also parsnips, mixed veggies and the rest of the weekend's fruit cobbler. My Mom made a peach pie for spouse yesterday. I think the three of them finished it last night.
Andy begins his first day as a latch key kid. We gave him his own keys, and he walked home from school today. IT is a beautiful day. He also has the option of walking to my office and doing his homework. I think he really likes the time and space to himself. I'll go home, feed him leftovers from last night's dinner; and then we'll go to Karate.
I love that boy.
And for now, that's all I got.
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