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10:16 a.m. - 2009-07-08
Embarkation ramp

Had to go back to the doctor again last night - she gave me some antibiotic eyedrops and some pain killer eye drops. I'm wondering if it would hurt less if they didn't have to stretch my eyelid over the back of my head everytime they have to look at it???

By the time I got home, spouse had cooked one of our dream dinners (chicken with blackberry balsamic sauce) and taken Andy to his karate lesson. It was nice to have that accomplished so all I had to do was eat dinner and fall asleep on the couch. And watch America's got Talent through my eye lids.

I'm procrastinating on a number of things and making myself crazy on both the home and work fronts. I don't know why I continue to do this unless it is just to give myself fuel so that I can continue prolonged anxiety!

My SIL was a bit prickly with me for the last few days. I was not able to give her advice on a couple of projects - my brain was fried and I just couldn't come up with any ideas; and when she complained about being jobless in a state where she believes joblessness is at its worst I replied that it was difficult even up here where I am, but it wasn't supportive, so I'm just keeping my distance for a little while.

Sometimes I feel like a pond where everyone wants to go fishing, but if I'm not restocked, and no one is throwing anything back, then I am not a good resource.

Is it that I'm not confident enough anymore to lean on my friends and family for support when I want help and comfort; or is it that I lean to often? Or is it that I want to keep the tension between me and my family? Or is it that I just have to accept what they give when they can give it?

And for now, that's all I got.

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