11:08 a.m. - 2008-05-08
Pondering
I have figured out some things about myself. When I am stressed, I STRIVE for routine. I do my best to plan out meals; I try and have all the wash done, bills paid, appointments monitored. But I have no time for things that make me happy, so I just collapse and watch junky teevee. And I feel more stressed. But maybe, I think, that once I am organized, I will have more time to do things that make me happy. But I never get there. So I am just stuck in a rut, barely treading water. I have to figure out a way to get my house (literally and figuratively) in order. I am working on that daily, and for mother's day, spouse has been doing some of the niggling things I've had on my list - scraping and painting the rusty air vents on the first floor; hosing down the screens; de-scunging the stuff on the floor; etc. It is a great start. I am smiling.
And I went to hear my Sudanese friend speak last night. He called in the afternoon and asked if I was going and I said I wasn't, and he was clearly disappointed, so I packed everything up and drove out to hear him and I am so glad I did, because he is all about perspective. He said so many things that moved the audience last night. I have heard him speak many times, and each time, it is like he opens up the book at a different place. He gave some details that I hadn't heard him say before. One of them was that when his mother and sisters come, he just wants to sit in front of his mother and have her tell him to do things - have her tell him HOW to do things. And I can see what a frightening proposition that could be for him - wanting her here to help him solidify his adulthood with the direction he never received after he was in the refugee camp; and knowing that in fact, he will have to be the one who guides her for a while until she learns English and acquires some skills to live in such a different culture.
I wonder if there are therapists or counsellors who work with refugees in these situations?
He is so eloquent yet child-like in his faith that he will find what he needs for himself and his family - that things have happened for a reason; and that it is no use to mourn what has happened. I must remind myself that for the most part his heart is still a 10-year-old boy in the body of a 24-year-old man.
And what else? Andy's band concert was today. They challenge them so little, lump the chorus, orchestra and band together and then don't let the kids mingle with the parents. It was a bit disappointing. I just want Andy to get to that place where he hears himself and the other students and says "Wow! That sounds really great!" I remember that moment so clearly when I was in junior high. We had an amazing band, and I made alot of good friends then. I hope that is what Andy wants and that he gets to experience that.
I got to see alot of the other mommies, and I am hopeful that we can organize something so that we can get together in a few weeks.
Okay - time to get back to work. And for now, that's all I got.
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