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9:33 a.m. - 2007-10-11
I'm feeling the slappin'
So here's the deal.

One of my next-door neighbors has two sons. One is a few months younger than Andy, the other is 5, but not yet in school.

The older son is odd, I'm guessing Aspergers, but he is also a hitter and a breaker and a blamer. He has broken numerous toys at our house. I've watched him do it, only to blame Andy or another child. He also hits and pushes, but then cries when called on it. He's done it to Andy, he's done it to very other child he plays with. I have also let that go (when it happens to Andy), because dealing with the parents just wasn't worth it.

But Andy and another girl play with this boy frequently, especially when it is nice outside and they play in the backyards (they're all connected.)

This boy complains to his parents when the kids don't do exactly what he wants, and the mother chastises the other kids. A few days ago, about 6 kids were playing on their driveway with chalk. According to Andy, one of the younger kids drove into him on a hot wheels, knocked Andy over and Andy got chalk on the car. He immediately knocked on the door to tell the neighbor what happened and asked for something to wash it off the car. He apologized. The neighbor lit into him, told him she was "sick of his excuses and stories." He apologized again.

I wasn't aware of this until last night, but Andy had spoken with spouse about it shortly after it happened. Then last night, Andy came in and the neighbor was still bringing it up. I don't get it. I realize that this story is filtered through Andy, but I have to say that Andy is unfailingly polite and responsible. And I find this woman's behavior churlish and petty. Did I work enough vocabulary words into this?

The same day, several kids were playing on this neighbor's swingset, and the youngest child came out and started to scream at Andy to get off the swing. Andy got off, but the neighbor still yelled at him saying that it was the younger child's swing and it was his right to yell for it. AND she said she was sick of his "stories." I have to say, Andy doesn't lie yet. I expect he will very soon, but he is still pretty guileless.

I want to slap the pores off this woman's face. I've been mulling it and mulling it. Do I talk to her about it? She has done this to my neighborfriend and her daughter, and nothing was ever resolved. This woman was my friend for several years, and then one day, she just turned the switch off. I asked her why (I may have even written about it here) and she said there was nothing wrong, but I've seen her do this to others. It didn't sting any less, but we pretty much don't have anything to do with them any more, except for our monthly grown-up gatherings and neighborhood activities. She was over my house at least twice a day, and on the phone at least that many times daily. And then, nothing.

So, do I speak with her about what is happening with Andy and get her perspective? Am I doing this for my own issues and not my son's? Will I hold my tongue and not critique her parenting style? I know she has to believe what her boys tell her. I know she feels she has to protect them, but she does this at the expense of other children's feelings; and at the expense of teaching her children to be polite and truthful. Am I delaying speaking to her because I want to be careful or because I want to avoid confrontation?

So I'm mulling. I suggested to Andy that he does not play in their yard for a while, that the playing takes place in the other kids' yards or our yard. But I know that this boy will insist that playing takes place in his yard so that he can have his things and not let the other kids use them, and then the mother will yell out that their his toys and he can do what he wants with them.

So that's what's happening. And that's all I got.

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