8:48 a.m. - 2006-12-08
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Well, it is Friday and I really want to do that happy dance, but apparently I've turned my hypochondria onto my husband. Not that he is complaining about ailments blown out of proportion, but that I am. I had just gotten up for a pre-dawn trip to the bathroom and awoke from a dream where my mother was conversing with the guys from "Queer Eye" and fell on a large, flat coffee table, and she was knocked unconscious. I remember screaming "Mommy, wake-up" and asking her who her doctor was so I could call him, and she wouldn't tell me, and I couldn't get the address book to open, blah,blah,blah...So I realized that spouse was sitting up in bed and I asked him why and he told me his arm was aching. He's been complaining for a few weeks about his left arm. Of course, I think heart attack. Spouse is 48, fit, low cholesterol, etc. I keep reminding myself that. And spouse reminds me that he had this same problem last year, it is arthritis. The pain didn't wake him up, having to hit the bathroom did, and then it just ached less if he sat up, so he did. I couldn't stop crying. So I'm making him call the doctor to get a check up at least.
So here's the thing (because it is always about me, me, me) Am I imagining the worst to make myself crazy? Am I punishing myself because I have been cross with him off and on for the past few month? Am I not allowing myself to be happy and enjoy the holidays?
I keep looking at spouse as if I could see on his face whether he has some heart issues. I am a whacko. I made him breakfast. I'm taking on a few of his chores (he doesn't know it, I'm just not nagging.) I am reminding myself how much I really love him.
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So. We had Andy's teacher conference yesterday afternoon. Spouse was late because he stayed too long at the faculty meeting because they were voting on something he needed to vote on. I yelled at him about his priorities, although I myself was almost late because the damned e-mail at work crashed and I was in the process of sending the parts of the grant I've been working on for the last two weeks. AAAUGH!
Andy's teacher loves him. She had such sweet stories to tell about him and was surprisingly insightful for such a new teacher (she just graduated from college last June.) My urge to get things done fast rather than well is somewhat apparent in Andy and we'll work on that.
Came home and took Andy to his favorite Chinese place for dinner. Spouse and Andy had the buffet. I opted for won ton soup because my heart burn is out of control. I stopped on the way home for some pepcid or some such overly priced version of tums.
We've gotten our first Christmas cards. There are four on the mantel mocking me for not having mine done yet. Maybe we'll get things done this weekend. If we're not at the doctor.
Happy, tentative, hypochondriacal Friday dance.
A hui hu marama.
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