9:16 a.m. - 2005-12-13
Shut the hell up
I am definitely being a split personality lately. On one hand, I am enjoying some of the trappings of the holidays, on the other, I am carryinbg around a sack of resentment and fear. I count my blessings, but I am hurt that the friend I stood up to and made the effort to reconcile with has chosen to be distant. Things will only be on her terms. And I keep picking at that scab despite the fact that I have other wonderful friends.
I still have a job for 8 more weeks, but I am mourning the loss of my staff.
I am grateful that my parents are coming to visit, but resentful that they are whisking off to my brother's immediately, and insisting we all go into the city for New Year's Eve, so I'm stressing that our annual New Year's Day party will be an ordeal.
That's me - just can't let myself enjoy what's here. I have to pick, pick, pick at what is wrong.
Cleansing breath.
Did some crafts last night - little thumbprint drawings in a frame for my friend's birthday next week (whose wife is the one ignoring me.) Last time I saw them, I got thumb prints of their three girls, and drew animal details around the prints. I have to say, they are really cute. Hope he likes it.
Wrapped the cub scout gifts for tonight's party - little tiny flashlight, battery, clippy things - very cool. I hope the boys like them.
Today we have Andy's school conference. I HATE the report card system they have. First one has to begin working toward the goal. That is a "B." Then one has to progress toward the goal. That is a "P." Then one has to meet the goal - "M"; and then one can exceed the goal - "E." Of course, Andy got all Bs, despite the fact that his teacher said he is quite bright and maybe should skip a grade. But if she gives him more than the "Beginning to meet the goal" it involves more paper work for her. Did I mention she is having her third child and will be leaving in a couple of months? But I'm not bitter. This is the second time Andy will have a teacher who leaves in the middle of the year. He is only in third grade.
After the conference, spouse and I close on our home equity line o'credit. Then I'll get some groceries, pick up Andy and get ready for the cub scout holiday party. We're making foam craft ornaments and eating sugar. WHEEEEEE!
Why am I in such a pissy mood?
a hui hou marama
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