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8:46 a.m. - 2005-08-01
Thinking and munching

It was a busy, pensive weekend. The weekend was not pensive, I was pensive.

Friday, rushed home, picked up the car ($500 bucks for electrical problems - AAAAUGH); dropped off the rental car, yelled at spouse for not calling the rental car company in the morning to remind them that the tank was NOT full as they said, spouse not only filled it, but topped it off. Then I felt really terrible, because spouse informs me that he fell down our concrete steps an hour earlier, banged up his elbows, knees, and landed on his bum. Got home, had 15 minutes to throw together and eat our belated BLTs, get all the stuff we needed for the cub scout drive-in night (chairs, bug spray, snacks, etc.); and meet to caravan to the drive-in.

Spouse was walking gingerly. Met up with everyone, saw the movie (the chocolate factory one) - Meh - I just found the lead character and the actor who portrays him very annoying. He annunciated his part like Dustin Hoffman did in "Tootsie" and I just wanted to yell SHUT THE HELL UP! Yes, I saw the first movie, yes, I read the book.

The cubs had a great time, spouse shifted many times in his chair. I don't think he broke his coccyx (I have twice, and you can't breathe for the first week) but I don't know...The boys ate their weight in popcorn and cheetos. Got home, showered the dust off of everyone and fell into bed.

Saturday morning, I got up early to make blueberry cakes. We were meeting our friend who is moving back to London at the end of the week. So Saturday morning was a frenzy - packed up a picnic lunch; packed up the stuff we were taking to donate to charity and headed to the town where our friend is. Very interesting lunch - she is such an interesting person, and wants us to come and stay with her and come to London. After we said our goodbyes, we dropped off the charity stuff, picked up some groceries, came home, finished cleaning the house and then got ready for our dinner company. Had a great time with the grown-ups and Andy watched many movies in our room (he LOVES that.)

Sunday - up for church early, got a donut for Andy, read the paper, took Andy and his friend to the movies, cleaned up, had the laundry festival, had leftovers for lunch and dinner, paid the bills, blah, blah, blah...

So here is what I am thinking - I know how lucky I am and that I have an incredible man for a husband. I know I love him with all my heart, but I am still mean to him. I still treat him like a child sometimes. He still makes me angry and I say unkind things. How do I fix that? I want all good things for him. I love and adore him. Why am I such pill?

We did not start out romantically. We were friends of convenience for several years. We liked each other, but there was no spark. We were both terribly inexperienced, despite our age and life experiences; and our romantic match was almost contrived. We planned it. We read books about it. We practically did an outline...and yet, I know we were meant to be. So why do I act like a banshee? I do loving things for him, but is it enough for him? So that's this week's drama.

And six feet under? Holy moly. At least I know what happened now.

I must say, I will be glad when this series is over too, and I realize that I won't have an HBO series anymore. Oz is gone. Sex in the City is gone, and now Six feet will be gone. And really? I'm glad that I won't have this gut-wrenching anxiety about death to face each Sunday night just as I'm getting ready to prepare for the week ahead.

Delicious things I ate this weekend: little red and white potatoes with guacamole or feta spread on them. YUM!; a real PIMS cub cocktail; gazpacho and bowls and bowls of fresh blueberries.

a hui hou marama

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