9:59 a.m. - 2005-03-07
Losing a grip on it
I am so stupid. I am recovering from a panic attack I had at 4 a.m. convincing myself that I would never smell again, because my sinuses are starting to unblock, but I still cannot smell, and I cried thinking I would never smell Andy's head again, which of course made me more stuffed up, and then I had a coughing fit, and I cannot seem to clear my lungs. In the light of day, I am still having a hard time convincing myself that I am just exhausted and sick and cannot sleep which makes me crazy. (see above.)
On Friday I got a strep diagnosis from the doctor and he put me on pennicillin - no other fancy antibiotic, just the p-one. Ten days. Four pills a day, which means waking up in the middle of the night at least once to take a pill, which isn't too hard because I haven't been able to get much sleep. If I sleep flat in the bed (yes with pillows) I wheeze so much I have a coughing fit. If I sit in the chair, I get about 45 minutes of sleep at a time before my but goes numb or my legs hurt. I just want a decent night's sleep.
The weekend is mostly a blurry, cotton-headed experience - took Andy for his first penance and sat in the back of the church hacking away (spouse is sick too, but not with strep.) Then I took Andy to the library to drop off books, then we picked up chicken noodle soup and came home. He played on the computer until his friend's birthday party at 3:30, and then I took him, hung out for an hour and a half and brought him home. We had to cancel our fancy-schmancy dinner, though we did that earlier in the day so the other couple could decide whether they wanted to go by themselves, find another couple or cancel altogether. They went out, but to another restaurant by themselves and cancelled the reservations.
Yesterday, Andy and spouse went to visit the in-laws who sent them home after 20 minutes, so they didn't go out to lunch. I tried to keep moving in the house - going through the week's newspapers, clearing piles of mail, etc., thinking that would going to help my head clear. I was so stuffed up yesterday and my ears were blocked and I can't smell and I feel so FREAKIN' CLAUSTROPHOBIC and CRRAZY!
And venting isn't helping. I had to come into work this morning because we have a freelancer coming in to replace a co-worker who is going out on leave any minutes and I have to review his portfolio and do an interview. Then I am going to try to see the doctor who will confirm that I am psychotic and a hypochondriac.
a hui hou marama
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