11:39 a.m. - 2005-01-03
A whole new year
Can I just say that when I die and have to spend some time in hell or purgatory (actually, I'm not sure if I believe in hell) but if I have to go, it will be a perpetual first day back to work after a long holiay break or vacation. I tried last night to make sure I had some treats to make it a better day - I brought in my two new calendars from spouse - a Chagal calendar and one that says things like "She likes her men like she likes her cocktails - neat but with a twist." I also packed a bit of chocolate, a ham sandwich and two cookies for lunch. But so far, it isn't helping. I miss my family, even though there were some annoying moments, but it was great to be with them. Some "gifts" of the season:
1. Seeing how happy my brother was when we got to his house. Last year he was in a bad place - his girlfriend was moving out, his job was uncertain, he felt alone. This year, he was singing and cooking and happy. His girlfriend is back and they are happy. His house is happy.
2. Getting hugs and kisses from friends/neighbors kids. I am a "favorite" now. How the hell did that happen?
3. Seeing that my father put some thought into gifts for my mother this Christmas. My father is generally a kind man, but can be pretty lazy. In the past, he has asked my sister or me to pourchase gifts for my mother for him, then wrap them. This year he picked out some neat stuff. My favorite: a little oval ceramic plaque that reads:
"I love you more today than yesterday. Yesterday, you really pissed me off."
Doesn't that make you laugh?
4. Seeing how well behaved Andy is. Seeing how kind my husband is.
5. Going to midnight mass with my friend (who is also my brother's girlfriend.) It was just a nice thing, and the priest was funny, and it was amusing to go to mass in a nightclub/lounge on the ship.
6. Having our annual New Year's Day party and starting off the year with old and new friends and family.
7. Spending part of the day yesterday with my neighbor friend and laughing about everything.
8. Knowing how lucky I am to have spouse and Andy and siblings who care about each other.
Things that made me sad about the holidays:
1. Having to go back to work when I don't love my job.
2. Not knowing when I will see my parents and sister again. I know I'll see them in the next three or four months, I just don't have a plan at the moment, but will work on that.
3. Seeing how stuck and sad my sister is at the moment. She is made at my mother and me, but we're not sure why. Maybe she is just mad at everything and we are safe targets.
4. Hearing my mother's voice last night when she was crying and saying that she just had this feeling that she'll never have another Christmas tree at her house again.
Except for my sister, pretty trivial stuff huh? I am fortunate.
Spouse is home today, "un-Christmasing" the house. Our mirror pond/village will be gone when I get home. The minimal decorations we had put up will be put away; the nativity scene will be reboxed; the lighted tree we had outside will be gone. I do not like holiday decorations after January 2. Spouse is taking care of that for me.
And for January? Just like everyone else - getting more organized, eating more healthy, getting more exercize, paying off the bills, finding more fun in my job or deciding not to settle for it.
I need to do something really nice for spouse. What should it be ? (besides that.)
Time to move ahead.
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