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9:08 a.m. - 2004-08-05
Because I'm so perfect myself...
Still unpacking and doing wash. Was fairly productive at work yesterday, got home and had a healthy dinner - broiled bluefish (my fave!), stemed broccoli with garlic and romano cheese (Andy's fave), and tomatoes with basil, olie oil and vinegar. then i topped it off with a big ball of B#n and J#rry's Phishfood. Finally caught up on Six Feet Und#r, then fell asleep amidst piles of clean, folded clothes.

So here is what I haven't been able to articulate about my niece and nephew on the vacation. My sister, who is in the process (so slooooow...) of divorcing her dick-wad spouse who cheated on her throughout their 12-year marriage and made his 8 year old son complicit in the activities (not sexually, thank God, but in lying to his mother when he was along on the trysts) seems stuck some how. She is not pressing the ex for child support, she is doing well at her job but is letting a co-worker manipulate her, and she is not being consistent with her children, telling them now, seetting limits, and then letting them whine it away. I love them both, but my nephew was most unpleasant to be around -- bossy, ungrateful, whiney and manipulative. And YES, I realize what a hard time this is for him, and YES I would do anything to take the pain from him, but I think because my sister feels guilty on some level, and is worried that they might someday choose to live with their father (like their jerk-face father would ever alter his "lifestyle" to allow for full-time parenting) she gives in to every request, reasonable or otherwise.

She is a wonderful mother usually, but she just seems stuck - unable or unwilling to reach out or accept help.

I remember several years ago, I had just started a new job and was at a huge meeting for a client. I fell on a wet bathroom floor and had a compound fracture of my right arm, yet I wrapped it up, sat through the meeting (2 hours), drove myself to the ER an hour away (in a stick shift car) and refused to let anyone come get me until they admitted me to the hospital that night. Spouse, my co-workers and my boss wanted to rush to the hospital to be with me, but I wouldn't let them. Finally, I relented 8 hours later. What was the matter with me? I still don't know what it was - control? Unworthiness? I feel like my sister might be in the same place.

While we were on vacation, all the kids slept in one room. She lets her kids stay up until 10. Andy is used to being sent to bed around 9. For several nights, they went to the kids party onboard and stayed until after midnight. They were exhausted after a few days, but she refused to make them go to bed at 9 or even 10 "because they were on vacation." I wanted to have them go to sleep early just one night so they wouldn't be so overtired (which they were) and cranky (which they were) making their parents cranky (which we were...) Anyway, she wouldn't do this because her son said he didn't want to. Even when we got back and serre staying with my parents, she wouldn't relent. I know, it was only a week and a half, but it would have made them feel better. It would have made her feel better. Oh well. I'm just the perfect parent myself...

Back to work.

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