11:10 a.m. - 2010-02-03
Not egg shells
I think it is the uncertainty that makes me feel like I am walking on gelatin - ready to be subsumed by something I have no control over.
And you know me - I'm all about control.
Big changes at work; changes at home; and now I'm afraid of my doctor's appointment with the medical oncologist on Friday. I may have spent all my confidence in the last few months and I've not earned enough to put back in the bank. But I know I'll just do it. I have my list of questions. I'll push for more tests. I'll ask for help to get through this period of every pain and bump is a tumor thing.
I want to be the person I was before I was diagnosed. On the surface, I don't think anyone notices, but I notice that I feel more vulnerable and wary.
Tonight is Andy's concert and my aunt and uncle are trudging from another state to come hear him, and I am so grateful. Not sure if they are staying overnight, but I am making a new dream dinner.
Spouse is supposed to be working on the check book and meeting at the bank this morning to find out why we have these little mini deposits. Hmmm.
And for now, that's all I got.
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