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8:49 a.m. - 2009-10-20
Sunglasses

I got nothing today except a vague feeling of anxiety about my medium newish bos who is trying to change some things here and it is upsetting the woman who reports to me.

Also, my mother is coming tomorrow and it means that my brother will have to schlep down to pick her up at the airport that is closer to our house, but not his. He is not working right now, so it shouldn't be a big deal, but still. Guilt, guilt, guilt.

I am thinking that I just want to stop for a few days and not worry about things. What kind of things? THINGS! How my son and husband are doing with all of this, how my parents and siblings are dealing with this, how my good friend is worrying about this, how come my house isn't cleaned and my life isn't organized, how come there is so much more work at work to do, how I don't have alot of savings, how NOT looking forward I am to tomorrow's surgery and the pain and the nausea and the knowledge that, well...I don't want to go there now.

I imagine that God looks like Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch, and I am scout curled up on his lap, wrapped in his arms and he knows everthing and can explain everything and will tell me what to do.

It is am amazingly beautiful fall day, though once again the leaves are beginning to fall, and it is just gorgeous.

So I will be grateful to have family and friends who love me enough to worry about me, and that I have access to health care and a home to live in even though it is not immaculate. And I have a job and it is beautiful out today.

And that's alot to have.

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