12:30 p.m. - 2009-10-09
Should be edited
And once again the day gets away from me, then the week gets away from me...It has been a tiring and crazy week. I just got back from the surgeon for my post op visit and yet another turn in the story: If I was doing an outline of this medical journey and I had an editor, that person would likely yell at me for putting in too many changes and creating a non-linear story. So. The good news: Clean margins. The anxious news: Margins aren't big enough, so now I have to wait while my reports and pathology go before a tumor board and a decision is made whether the margins are big enough, or whether I have to have a mastectomy. The nurse told me that my radiation oncologist (which would be my next step if there isn't surgery) is VERY CONSERVATIVE, so I needn't worry if she says things are okay; and if she thinks I should have the mastectomy, then I should. Yet again, I am surprised that I had not figured out that this could be an outcome - no clear answer - yes your margins are clean, no they aren't. AAAAUGH! I kept it together though, I'm still waiting for my big cry. I will know more next Thurday. I type that sentence alot. I will know more [insert a date 7-10 days from now]. All the other stuff is good news: Nodes most definitely clean; ER positive, Hercept/NEU negative. I'm just waiting on an onca test (there is a technical name that my brain keeps blocking from my memory) that tells me how agressive the tumor is/was. Those results will also be back in a two weeks. I am thinking about a second opinion but can't find the energy to research it. I wil muster it together this weekend. Work - so many mixed messages from the big boss - Why are you here today, why aren't you resting/at the doctor/getting treatment; then Why aren't you at your desk, why isn't this project finished...I am down a staff member and we are killing ourselves getting all these new programs and projects finished. Projects are signed off on and given the go-ahead, and then when they're on press, enormous changes are made. And one of the new guys is complaining of a pinched nerve from playing soccer and using that as an excuse. What is the saying? If men had babies, menstruation would be a sacrament? So I imagine I will go through a pissy few hours and grouse at and to myself until Andy comes home. Then I will pull it together again, take him to the stylist and get his hair trimmed. I should do a before and after picture. Nothing much happening this weekend, except that it is a long one for Andy and me. Spouse has to work on Monday. And I know I should be dancing, but I can't quite get that going today. How about a foot tap??? So for now, that's what I got.
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