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11:30 a.m. - 2009-09-29
Macoun apples are in season

I always think about this on the day before I have surgery: Did I tell the people around me how much I love them? Did I leave most of my affairs in order? Do they know whether to revive me, or what I feel is an acceptable quality of life if please heaven forbid something happens?

I am more nervous this time around, probably because I already know what to expect, and that is a fair amount of pain. But I am hopeful this will not be as complicated, since they don't have to go over nodes and do the whole repeat mammography and nuclear medicine and ultrasound thing. But I am in a fair amount of pain today already. Some days are okay, some days not so much. I KNOW in the scheme of things this isn't that big a deal, but my arm and my breast still hurt, and I haven't had a good night's sleep in several weeks, first because of anxiety, but lately because I just can't get comfortable. It is almost like being pregnant again because I cannot sleep on my stomach which is usually how I sleep.

So.

Just about 24 hours from now I will be checking into the hospital for surgery scheduled at 12:20. I hope to be home by supper and see my Andy. Spouse will be with me. I miss my Mom, because I was comforted to have her there, and I could worry about her a little bit, and not so much about myself.

One of Dave's colleagues sent Dave home with a batch of stew and a bottle of wine. He said he was paying us back for the meals we cooked for his family when his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer about a dozen years ago. I don't even remember.

My yellow mylar smiley-face balloons in my office have deflated some, so instead of gathering around the cieling and looking down at me, they are kind of gathered around my feet. But they are still cheerful.

I would like to be through this and on to the next step.

And for now, that's all I got.

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