Get your ow
n diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

9:48 a.m. - 2009-09-09
Afraid today

Thank you all AGAIN for the lovely notes and emails. They help so much.

I am very frightened this morning - maybe I've been saving it up. Spouse is coming to pick me up from work in about 15 minutes to take me to the MRI in Boston. The check in is at 11:30 and the procedure is supposed to be at 12:15. On top of my worry about death and illness is now my worry about claustrophobia, but I am hopeful and will do whatever I have to do to get through this. But I started asking myself all kinds of questions like maybe because I have an appointment with both a medical and a radiation oncologist tomorrow I'm really much worse than I know. I never thought to ask what kind of cancer it is, assuming last week that I would get answers, and then even though it is in every waking thought that I have, it didn't occur to me to ask yet. I will know tomorrow I hope. Then I'm thinking what if I have to have more tests and diagnoses - when will I finally get surgery and treatment?

Yesterday was another crazy day at work, and I'm not sure what's happening behind the scenes, but I'm still working hard. Got home, but was too stressed to eat, so spouse and Andy had leftover bbq. I watched America's got talent, then tried to sleep, but the worst time is when I wake up around 3:30 or 4 to pee and then I can't get back to sleep with the fretting.

But maybe today will be a big release - I'll have accomoplished something I was afraid of, and then I'll have more info.

And for now, that's all I got.

previous - next

|

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!