10:46 a.m. - 2009-09-07
Be-Laboring the day
Crazy weekend - I'm kind of losing track of what day it is. Friday afternoon my co-worker and I had to get some photos and we went to five guys burgers and had lunch. It was the first time ina week that I was hungry, and it was delicious. Got home Friday night, ordered a pizza for spouse and Andy, and can't remember what I did for the rest of the night. Saturday morning - sax lessons, groceries, music store, festival of laundry, dinner with the in-laws. Sunday morning up early, church, then I went to work and Andy went back to bed. My aunt and uncle came later than I expected which was a good thing, because I had to work until almost 6.
We went to dinner at the Vietnamese/Laotian restaurant and it was good - Andy and I had pho - a Vietnamese noodle soup that comes with a plate of herbs and condiments so you can flavor the soup the way you like. Spouse got a pork dish that you wrap up in lettuce cups; my aunt got a panang curry and my uncle got a spicy noodle dish. We shared some summer rolls (soft rolls with shrimp, herbs and vermicelli wrapped in rice papers) and laab - a minced chicken salad flavored with lime, lemon grass, fish sauce and basil - so delicious! Lots of leftovers, and then we came home where I promptly fell asleep. Got to bed around 11 and got this morning, baked some scones for our company and headed to work.
My big boss came up for an emergency meeting about marketing a new program that neds to start NOW, so that is good. Then part of our website crashed and everyone is in a tizzy. So that is not good.
I am now a week out from my diagnosis. I feel like this is a lesson I must learn that things do not happen on my time table (something I have known I have to learn since I was 10.) I must also learn to give up control. I have spent the last week imagining all the pain I am causing other people, how much pain I could cause them if I don't get well quickly; how much turmoil this will create on every front of my life to just about every person I love. And then I get in a fight with myself as to who is at the center of my universe. Do I put myself there for a while or is that something that goes against what I believe about how the world should be?
I may need to seek out some meds.
Then I fret about how I will get through the claustrophobic MRI, then what the MRI will tell me or not tell me; then going over the results. Did I ask enough questions? Do I know enough or where to find out what I need to know? Where do I go for a second opinion? Who will take me there?
At least I'll have more info later this week.
And for now, that's all I got.
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