3:40 p.m. - 2009-06-25
Fret one, purl two
I'm wondering if it is the hormones. I felt tears very close to the surface. I was churlish with Andy and advised him that he did not live in a hotel, so he could offer to help with dinner and not expect to be told the specials of the day.
I was supposed to have a day off, but there were four new work projects dumped on me by people Who. Have. No. Clue. as to how much work it really is going to take to get these "little ideas" taken care of.
The sun never came out. I got little to nothing accomplished on ANY front as I fretted and worried my way through the day. But I did make a tasty dinner with spouse - lemon cod with broccoli and rice.
Andy has been complaining of pain from his new braces, so we're trying to eat soft things. When I was little, my mother used to tell us a story about a little girl named Banana Jacket who wanted to make her father a cake and put all kinds of crazy things in it like lamps and cars, and when her father ate it, he broke all his teeth, so she makes him a cake with only soft things. I was thinking of that last night - could I feed Andy clouds and little soft pillows, and kitten purrs.
There was another little, tiny loss last night - Andy decided to take all of the magnetic letters and numbers off the back door. We have a metal door in the family room that leads out to the back yard, and since he was about a year old, we've had magnetic letters and numbers on it so he could play and learn, and over the years, we've left each other messages and jokes, but last night Andy decided they needed to be put away. That end of the room looks so naked now.
Talked to my mother and SIL who are doing a Thelma and Louise trip to Tampa today for SIL's job interview. Of course, no one can reach my father because the phone is off the hook. I called their phone company to see if there was trouble with the line, but they say it is off the hook. I can imagine many awful scenarios. Then I called the phone company again, because the busy signal I kept getting was the same as when their phone service wasn't working two months ago and the tech confirmed that it was their problem and will come out tomorrow to fix it. Whew. And then my Mom called from the road to say that my father called her to tell her that something was wrong with the phones. So I worry alot for no good reason. Except my imagination takes me to places where I don't really want to go.
My friend is convinced it is because I witnessed a murder in the 80s and because I found my SIL's body in the 90s. But I'm pretty sure I fretted even before then. I can remember waiting in my parents' station wagon when my mother ran into the grocery store (it was a small, neighborhood grocery store) and thinking that it was taking too long, and what if she was sick or hurt, would anyone know to come out and tell us? I am rolling my eyes thinking about this now, but maybe I just need to go back into therapy and get some anti anxiety meds myself.
And so it goes. Spouse just called to tell us our cable is out, so we'll have to watch the tiny tee vee up stairs and maybe have a jammy party.
Also, after 23 days here, the sun has finally come out just in the last 40 minutes.
And for now that is enough.
And for now, that's all I got.
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