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9:15 a.m. - 2009-03-10
Can't say it as well as Madeline Kahn

I'm not sure if I'm feeling better, or just getting used to the anxiety. Yesterday was an okay day at work, alot of people are out since it is the students' spring break. Also, the weather was awful, so some folks may have just decided to work at home. I got some stuff accomplished, got another project from the big big boss, and came home and made dinner. The soy protein wasn't bad - Andy liked it. We finished up some other leftover veggies we had in the fridge. Then, I fell asleep. Spouse dropped Andy off at his merit badge class and came back to do more bathtub work. I supposed it is ungrateful of me to say that I could have crocheted a new tub in all of this time, but everything in its own time. Then spouse ran out of grout and sealer, went to the hardware store but it was closed, then wanted to go out several towns away to the big box store, but I suggested that since the roads were icy it wasn't a good idea. So everyone stayed put.

Talked to everyone who needed consoling last night - sister, friend, neighbor friend and now my mother who is frustrated that her knee is getting better faster. I listen.

I think what is crushing me is the inequity of it all. I know, LIFE is not fair, but I think that many women don't feel they are entitled to down time. I SHOULD be spending more time with Andy - he will be out of the house and off on his own in just a few years. I SHOULD be working more on my marriage because...in a few years, Andy will be out of the house and on his own in just a few years, and then it is just spouse and me. I SHOULD go and work out or get some kind of exercize.

I got a call from Andy's school yesterday because I had volunteered to help with the sixth grade fun night, which is April 4 (spouse will be away.) And now, they don't have enough volunteers. Do I know anyone? Can I recruit anyone? Oh, and can I set up and design and staff a "carnival-type" booth which has to be pre-approved. I am a little speechless. But I'm sure I'll come up with something. I am tired that other people don't step up more. I am torqued that even though you pay your bills on time and are frugal and careful that someone can still take your money and there is no recourse. I am tired of people who are not thoughtful or considerate. I am tired of not feeling entitled to much because of gender or what the church tells me, or what the government does or what I look like or how old I am. I am I guess just tired. I feel like all I do is accommodate.

And for now, that's all I got.

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