8:24 a.m. - 2008-07-21
There's mustard, mayo and ketchup, but there is no hope.
One of these days, I'll wake up on a Monday morning feeling refreshed from a restful weekend, ready to start another week of productive work. I can't even imagine that right now.
Saturday I worked until noon, then spouse picked me up and we went to the in-laws to meet FIL's two sisters and one of the husbands. Spouse's brother and SIL were also there and that meant BABY SYDNEY was also there! She just got a big-girl haircut, thought her Aunt Patty-Pat was pretty funny, and we read stories and played fall down and dance. It was great to see the aunties and meet the husband. MIL was exceedingly stressed out at having 11 of us for lunch, and after two hours screamed at us to go home because FIL wanted to take a nap. The aunties wanted to know if we were coming back for dinner, but we weren't invited, so we gave them our number to see if they wanted to get together to tour downtown Pr0vidence afterwards. Andy and I went to church, then came home and spouse and Andy had dinner. I finished the last H@rry P0tter book. I'm sorry I am finished reading the saga.
Yesterday we read the papers, decided to go out to breakfast but had a wait, got Andy new socks and underwear and did the grocery shopping. I made one of the dream dinners - chicken with sesame butter. I grilled the chicken, then melted the sauce and spooned it over the chicken rather than heating it in the oven, which was silly, because I made oven caponata (eggplant, tomatoes, onions, carrots, garlic, celery, basil and parsley) and roasted some broccoli for dinner. Andy got an invite from one of his friens to come over to play, and then spouse and I had a huge fight even though I had made it spouse appreciation day. Of course we fight about the same damn thing over and over and over. I can recite hat spouse will say, how this time it is different, and he gets it, and he'll make changes, but nothing happens even after therapists and marriage counsellors and fights.
I thought of a New Y0rker cartoon I saw about 20 years ago that had the caption "My life would be so much easier if I could just give up hope."
Spouse is a sweet, kind, thoughtful, loving and gentle man. He is stuck on two things in his life and yet he chooses neither to do anything about it; nor does he own what is happening. He takes the easiest course of action and then is surprised when I call him on it. We've been doing this dance for two decades now. I could even accept if he just said that this aspect of our marriage is now closed. Then we would be done with it, but instead he insists that it is important to him yet does nothing to change his behavior. It makes it hard for me to respect or believe him about this because it is the same thing over and over and over. I can recite the script. I know its meager variations.
And so we continue on with another fun-filled week of work. We have company coming on Tuesday. They may or may not sleep over, but I better clean the guest room anyway.
And for now, that's all I got.
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