11:01 a.m. - 2008-04-10
No schedule
When I woke up this morning, I realized I did not have ONE MEETING on my schedule for today. How did that happen? I was pleased knowing that I would have an uninterrupted day to get some of these things off my desk. I have to work tonight, but that is another story. Anyway, I got in, went through my emails and voice mails (I get voice mails when students are arrested, or when people call for information about campus events.) And there was a WHOLE HOUR before the phone rang. It was Andy's teacher who wanted to let me know that Andy had a meltdown. Andy has only had one other melt down and that was when he was two and had fifth disease at my parents house in Florida. He is just not a melt down kind of boy. So I was concerned. She told me that she could tell he was distracted this morning, and that he couldn't focus on the work he was supposed to be doing, so she pulled him out of class and talked to him. He related yesterday that his good friend Stephen had said that Andy should die for not wearing a Red Sox shirt on school spirit day. And Andy said he couldn't stop thinking about that and burst into tears.
But Andy never mentioned any of this to me yesterday. He said he mentioned it to spouse, but spouse didn't say anything to me.
Stephen has been friends with Andy since first grade. We are friendly with his parents, and he has been in my cub scout den since first grade. Stephen can be moody, and he isn't as "evolved" as Andy. I don't want to sound snotty, but Andy is pretty mature for his age and very "feeling" oriented, especially for a boy. (Please disregard the harsh gender generalization.) But Andy and Stephen are also competitive, though Andy is more likely to accomodate Stephen (or his other friends for that matter.) We've been seeing more friction in the last year or so between them, and spouse and I have said that Andy has to decide what he can put up with and what is unacceptable in this or any other friendship. But I think Stephen just doesn't get it, and Andy always comes back to seek out his friend.
On top of this, Stephen's mother, with whom I am good friends, is caring for her own mother who was suddenly diagnosed with brain and lung cancer a few months back, and the grandmother has come to live with them. We are hopeful that the chemo and radiation are ameliorating the tumors, but it has been months of daily trips into Boston for treatments, and long months of physical and emotional exhaustion on both the mother and her care taker daughter. So I'm wondering if that is also affecting Stephen. I don't know whether I should talk to her - is this just her son being her son? Or is he acting out because of the situation at home? He has to be feeling the stress. I am feeling the stress, and I don't even live there.
And on top of this, Andy and I had a friendly discussion about the kinds of shirts he could or could not wear to school. I know everyone wears big baggy pants and tee shirts, but I've asked Andy not to wear certain things to school (like the pants with the holes in the knees). So when Andy came down this morning with a baggy tee shirt and pants, I asked him to change his shirt and reminded him that tomorrow was picture day and he'd have to wear a shirt with a collar. (He hates that, but acquiesced.)
So his teacher is talking to me, and also mentions that TODAY is picture day, and Andy was also upset about that, but she didn't think she should call me to bring him a shirt. So I'm wondering, would Andy be upset about the picture day shirt and roll that into being upset about yesterday with Stephen?
So I left work, stopped at home and got two shirts and talked with Andy. He had another little cry, and was grateful for the shirt. Spouse said Andy only said that Stephen was mean to him, and that he didn't pick up on anything more (and spouse is usually tuned into Andy.) So, who the hell knows. Of course, I'm blaming myself. 1. Did I pass on to Andy my own tendency toward depression? 2. Is my own stress level spilling over onto Andy and making him unhappy? 3. Why did I write down the wrong day for Picture Day???
Or is this the age when friendships are tested and stretched because the kids themselves are changing? Or is it that Andy expects people to behave in the same way that he does and consider others' feelings? Is that even possible with some people?
His teacher assures me that she sees this happen alot in fifth grade. The kids are changing and nervous about middle school; and some grow up faster than others.
I know that Andy makes friends easily, and he has other good friends. Saturday, he made friends with four other boys at the pool when we went away for his birthday. So I don't know whether to worry about this as much as I am.
We'll talk more tonight when I get home from work, but I was glad I went to see him this morning.
And what else? I heard from my folks finally who said they weren't able to email in Japan because Japan doesn't allow it. Who knew? My father is a bit sea sick today - there is a storm at sea; and Don Shula is on the same trip.
It is absolutely glorious outside - 72, breezy and sunny. Just in time for the next six days of rain that we are supposed to get.
And for now, except for mother anxiety, that's all I got.
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