9:45 a.m. - 2008-02-25
Ungrateful daughter
And so here is what I think my life lesson must be: If I ask for something, I cannot have it.
I asked my mother and father if they would come up to see us in March since we are having a really difficult time getting down to see them, and we won't likely see them until the end of May when they are back from Asia and my niece makes her first communion. I offered to pay for the tickets. My mother said she would think about it, but then did nothing about it, including telling me that she had decided not to come. So I asked her today. She is tired from this past week's cruise. She has a cold. She will not come.
I feel like when I ask her for something, she wants to withhold it from me. I appreciate that they provided a roof over my head, and that they paid for three years of college and helped us when we were buying the house, I recognize that. I know that I am being childish, but I feel like when I ask them to come see me, they always say no, or rather they don't say anything. I may have to go into therapy because I cannot get around this anger, and it has been simmering for at least two years - since the LAST time I asked my mother to come up because I was losing my job. But she wouldn't come then either.
But I must be there for them. I'm not allowed to be tired or sad or frustrated when we're together. Maybe I am just entertainment. Maybe I am just housekeeping and cooking. I am only allowed to be useful.
Okay - enough of a rant. I actually had a decent weekend. We got sent home an hour early because of the snow on Friday, though it took me nearly 40 minutes to get home on my big 2.5 mile commute. I made a seafood stew which turned out nicely (mussels, clams, shrimp, tomatoes, wine, garlic, shallots, basil, thyme, parsley). Helped spouse and Andy get packed up for their weekend sleepover at the museum, and Saturday we finished up our first aid class with the cub scouts.
Saturday night I worked, and Sunday mid-day I met spouse and Andy half way between B0ston and our town at the sushi buffet. Yummy. Yesterday afternoon we were all so full we just kind of hung out and watched Law and Order until 9. I did not watch the 0scars because we hadn't see any of the movies, though I always like to see the roster of the deceased.
This morning I was feeling pretty good and energetic until my mother called, and now I am just stewing in my own bitter vinegar. So I see myself through my mother's eyes - displeased, ungrateful, bitter. I probably wouldn't want to visit me now either.
This week is pretty crazy work wise. Tomorow and Wednesday we are filming a commercial and I am working with the production crew both days. Thursday is a press check for our magazine. Friday? Who knows.
And for now, except for pissiness - that's all I got.
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