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10:11 a.m. - 2007-10-18
In the middle of the crazy
Today is the huge big event, and the person who had been in charge of it resigned earlier this week. So now it is a bunch of last minute run around why isn't this done kind of things. There is atmosphere here of trying to make things into a crisis when it doesn't need to be.

There is alot of territory staking. I don't mind, I just want information.

So today we will likely get screamed at, yelled at, questioned, changed and then maybe quietly thanked at the end of the night. I know this. I know I've done what I can do, and yet my stomach is still in a big knot. I seem to have a knack for picking the crazy. And tonight I won't get home until nearly midnight.

Spouse made dinner last night, but the squash needed more cooking. I'm about to be pissy here: How can someone have a Ph.D. from the premier university in the WORLD, and not check to see if the squash is done. "But you said an hour..." because I am in charge of cooking even when someone is cooking for me. The swordfish nonetheless was quite delish.

And last night I asked Andy if there were any things that needed checking or signing or doing, and of course he said nope and went back to his obsession of the pokeemahn cahds with his friend. And this morning, there was much pouting because he didn't have a clean Red Sox shirt for spirit day and why wasn't it there? (He has two and wore them over the weekend so they were in the hamper.)

And when I told him that it was his responsibility to have let us know, he was a bit nonplussed. And when I went into the diningroom and found his unpacked backpack and unfinished homework, and he wanted me to sign that he had practiced sax every day when he didn't, I did the MOM look and said nothing, and he blushed and looked away. I didn't yell. I just got up and walked into another room. He burst into tears and said he was ashamed, and it broke my heart. Am I too hard on him? I don't think so. I don't think I'm doing my Mommy job if I don't teach him that he has to be responsible. So he came up to me and wanted me to hug him which I did, but then he wouldn't look at me and stormed out to the car, and I was snarky and said "Thanks for the nice 'good-bye' hug." He came in a bit more angry, but then cried again and broke my heart into even smaller pieces. "It hurt my feelings that you didn't say goodbye," I told him.

In the meantime, spouse left a bunch of crap all over the kitchen (it was his night to clean) and while I groused about the great distance between the sink and the dishwasher and loaded it up, spouse was also eyeing his place in the dog house. And then I got the last of the trash out (also a spouse and Andy job) and sighed dramatically before they left.

I know that if I announce I'm going to have a horrific week, that things will just go badly at home. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut. It seems like when I ask for help, that spouse and Andy can't cope with it. Or is it just me? I have to think about this.

So as I was dragging some forgotten recycling from the garage out to the curb on my way to work, my neighborfriend who was driving the kids to school pulled up and Andy jumped out and hugged me hard and cried a little, and then got back in the van and went off to school. Without his saxophone for today's lesson. Since it is fifth grade, we are not allowed to bring things that the students forgot.

And when I got to work, spouse was waiting upstairs (up my three freakin' long flights of stairs) with a penitent iced coffee.

And for now, that's all I got.

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