7:42 a.m. - 2007-06-12
Just thinkin'
Today's big revelation (that actually came to me in the middle of the day yesterday): I am all about minimizing risk. I have become afraid and maybe lead a somewhat smaller life than I should.
I think of every possible scenario, and they are mostly bad.
But this is who I am. This is how I approach things, to think of everything that could happen, so I am prepared.
No, I don't think I am depressed. I think I am just over processed.
The wierd thing is that this is what my mother would constantly nag me about - that I should "let go" more often, "be more free" or be more open.
Am I fighting her? Or is this just my essential nature? I also think that sometimes, I couldn't be more free, because I felt so responsible for my siblings and the housework. My parents were not druggies or irresponsible or anything. My father worked every day at the same job for 30 plus years; my mother felt free though, to pursue things that she wanted - jobs, hobbies, travel. I don't think she ever thought that it was at the expense of her kids. I'm not saying that it was, just that she had a fall-back for her responsibilities, and I think that it was me.
So I continue to think of ways to minimize risk believing that I exert some sense of control over my life.
-----------
Road report: Three dead deer in three days. So sad. Lots of tee shirts, one mattress and an igloo cooler.
-----------
Finished Andy's teacher's memory book. The kids really did a good job, I added a couple of pages of photos and included a typed list of all the kids in her class. Hope she likes it. He's bringing in all his stuff tomorrow.
Tonight spouse is making our chicken Mexican soup. Last night we had the chili I made on Sunday - very good. Used up the rest of the t ortilla dust in the bag.
We booked our Seattle hotel for before the Al@ska cruise, thanks to my sister. Now I just have to figure out how we're getting to the airport.
And for now, that's all I got.
|
