Get your ow
n diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

3:47 p.m. - 2004-06-14
First day of work...
I am back from my first day of work at my new job. I love and hate this part. I want to learn everything and get in the groove, and that will not happen on the first day. I love the meeting new people part, I hate the unfamiliarity of it, especially since I was so familiar with my last job, and good at it, and knew everybody and ESPECIALLY BECAUSE SPOUSE WAS THERE and I am sort of remourning that loss this afternoon.

The old stuff - feeling sad and mourning my last job, perhaps it is just the final part of that grief and I can put it to rest.

The new stuff - when I get like this, I used to want to go back and be my parents' daughter, just be a little girl. Now I just want to be Spouse's wife and Andy's mom. I wish I could have let myself enjoy the work hiaitus more, because to tell the truth, it wasn't the work so much that I missed as the paycheck. I would just like to have the financial freedom to be with my family more and not work, work, work. The other thing that worries me, and I'll work through this, is that for the last seven years, I've ben able to work at home one day a week (usually Fridays,) so I had a bit more time with spouse and Andy. It was VERY PRODUCTIVE time, and I think I may be able to do that in a few months, my boss says he'll consider it, but now I have to earn my stripes and I understand tha tI'll need lots of face time for this job. I just want whatever it is that I cannot have. I suppose if I ever got thin, I would want to be fat again. What the hell is wrong with me?

It is just disorienting all this new stuff and new faces, and not having a phone yet, and not having a computer yet, and not having a "to do" list beyond:

1. Find out where all the bathrooms are.

2. Find out where people keep their lunches.

3. Find out where they keep the paper clips.

4. Clean the crud off my desk - it was someone else's office, and no one cleaned it. There are hard brown patches everywhere and I don't want to even think about what it could be.

5. Get a grip. I know I'll be good at this job. I know I'm good at what I do. I just wish I could go and have a cup of coffee with my spouse, and I hate myself for turning him down all those times when we were together on campus. Now it is denied me.

That is the lesson from this:

1. Enjoy what you have when you have it. I should have enjoyed the time off more, but I was so worried about money. I am an idiot.

previous - next

|

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!